New Years Post

I hope I won't be procrastinating on here on New Years, since I have a grant to write. So, I am going to record my New Years Resolution list now. It hasn't changed much from the other years, but here it goes:

1. Lose weight/get healthy. I intend on going to the gym. And eating less/stop stuffing my face. I'm ten pounds heavier than I would like to be, but if I just lost five that would be okay too. That said, it would be good for me to get active again. Maybe I can convince P to make the same resolution with me.
2. Save money. I'm a little in debt from Christmas. After my credit card is paid off, I need to start saving money to pay scary grown up bills, like student loans. By March, I intend to have $500 in my savings. This will be hard, and it might mean I have to work more.
3. Get to work on my senior project. MOTIVATE. Set goals for myself. Collect materials. Shoot. Edit. All of it.

This is it for now. Sorry to bore ya.

Before the end, something is coming to an end. The general digitization

of channels and information erases the differences among individual me-

dia. Sound and image, voice and text are reduced to surface effects,

known to consumers as interface. Sense and the senses turn into eyewash.

Their media-produced glamour will survive for an interim as a by-

product of strategic programs. Inside the computers themselves every-

thing becomes a number: quantity without image, sound or voice. And

once optical fiber networks turn formerly distinct data flows into a stan-

dardized series of digitized numbers, any medium can be translated into

any other. With numbers, everything goes. Modulation, transformation,

synchronization; delay, storage, transposition; scrambling, scanning,

mapping-a total media link o n a digital base will erase the very concept

of medium. Instead of wiring people and technologies, absolute knowl-

edge will run as an endless loop.

http://jhfc.duke.edu/jenkins/publications/Lenoir_Hansenforward.pdf

I am dancing with the idea of erasing medium. Or at least coming close. Combining mediums doesn't seem as dangerous... but we're getting there.

Endless loop of information

Endless space

Endless objects

Endless subject? How can I make my subject endless?

Quantity over quality

without image sound or voice

Transition to numbers

Audio recording of binary messages?

Locations-

Long hall, window

Outdoor space?

Optical illusion?

Computer desk?

My understanding of family is changing. This shouldn't be surprising considering my political perspective. However, as a young woman "of age" by my society's standards, I feel that I must actively reevaluate what my relationships mean and where my responsibilities lie within them. I do not intend to seek out a man to marry, provide for me, and father my children within the next ten years. It's just not a consideration. Sure, I may head to the alter (or town hall...), he might have a better salary (or not), and I might get knocked up (hoping this REALLY is not the case), but I am not in pursuit of these things.

Right now, I am part of a committed, monogamous relationship. My (heterosexual, male) partner and I are parents-to a tiny Italian Greyhound. We are considering leasing an apartment together next year. And as we look at our options of places to live, I am beginning to develop a realization that this will be my home, and he and our pup will be my family.

If my goal was a traditional, nuclear family like the one I grew up with, I might ask myself what my expectations for moving in together may be. What are our goals as "a couple"? And even more specifically, how will we handle finances? How will we divide housework? It's funny how it's not politically incorrect to raise these questions, even for some one like me. What I'm realizing though, is that these are not my actual concerns. Maybe they're important for our relationship to work, but not in the sustenance of a family.

When family is the goal, I am still reaching for answers to a set of broader questions. In the past the average heterosexual couple would never have to consider these sort of issues. But in contemporary times where Susie Q. is the breadwinner and canines trump kiddies, we cannot assume that the same "formula to success" will work for us when we define success so differently.

I'm suggesting that family is a network of love, and home is where you house that. Where do our responsibilities lie within this situation when we throw out the traditional model? In my case, will I actually experience financial freedom after accepting this new definition of [a childless, cohabiting] family and home? Is it too early to claim family and home for some one my age? What do my partner and I owe to each other? Does family equate to settling down?

At this point, I am dealing with a lot of curiosity as a young person with a lot of options ahead of her. The path in front of me is definitely an alternative one, and it's going to take awhile for me to learn how to navigate it, especially without good examples to look to.

Nesting.

2012. A transitionary year. Between childhood and adulthood, independence and cohabitation, academia and the workforce. It's so difficult to live in the present when I am anticipating so much change.

Two-bedroom apartments.
Less commitment,
and another closet to store my woolen coats
for the long, cold winter ahead.
(I'll keep a lantern under the sink.)