As Fall Approaches

This summer I have worked. A job and an internship. I was promoted to supervisor recently. This means a nice boost to my resume and paycheck. Tuesday was my last day at the internship. I talked with my boss that evening for a long time. She really wanted to know "what was next" for me. I went along with some bullshit. The truth is that I'm embarrassed that I can't answer that for myself even.

I'm lucky that I ended up in college, especially since I have the smarts for it. I don't regret my decision to enroll. But why a dance major? Why the arts? Some days I just don't care enough. Even when I think that I could make a difference promoting and supporting the creative works of others, why should I? What makes them any more well suited to create?

Most of the time I say I want to dance in a company, because it's easiest to explain and sounds the most logical. Deep down, I want to make videos for galleries and museums. But at the same time, I want a solid career sort of lifestyle. This means living in one affordable place without feeling broke all the time. What do I really want? Where am I headed?

It's hard to do the right thing/act responsibly when your own goals are so ambiguous. I can say I want a creative job, but what does that actually mean? It's frustrating.

From this blog:

If the well-being of women isn’t enough for you, consider this: patriarchy thinks you’re fucking stupid. It thinks you’re a penis without a brain that’s worthwhile and powerful only because women are vaginas without brains and that’s somehow worse. It thinks you’re untrustworthy, that you can’t be left alone with a woman, that you can’t be left alone with a child. Feminists didn’t make that shit up — they’re just noting it and passing it on. You can decide what you want to do about it — but don’t think you can pick and choose which of patriarchy’s mandates apply to you. This is a package deal, my friend. If women’s worth is only in fuckability, then men are just dumb fuckers. We think better of men. Do you?

Senior Project Proposal, in pieces

I'm including information here about my senior project as I work out the details. I hope to organize these thoughts into something professional to submit.

I became interested in Video Art (I guess "tech-art") two years ago, in a history of art course. I watched many videos from the 1970's and onward. My professor referenced sculptures that were often made with domestic technologies-toasters, televisions, etc.. More recent work shown existed completely in cyberspace. The work and the language used fascinated me. We exist with so many man-made things, and interact with them as if they are more than just tools. Look at the vernacular. It's astounding. Watch the interactions.

As a visually-oriented mover (a "dancer" who sees more often than feels) I watch people use computers, televisions, telephones, and the internet. The physical bond is so strong. A sematic practice, even. Our bodies react. Our minds react. These are relationships with material objects. They are more than devices.

I want to do more than document conversations with intimate partners. A ghostly presence. I want to recreate their worlds. Last spring I made a jumping off-piece-"Semiosphere". A four minute piece of a young woman watching the static of a television in the dark. They were talking, exchanging information. She laid before the tv in her underwear, like after sex. I want to explore that more. Honest relationships with material things.

Where does dance/movement fit? I am considering both the mind and body. Information and Action. Where do technological instruments fit? Where are their minds? Where are their bodies? Do they have both? So many more questions to work out.

Conversations with technology-
Woman+television (two bodies)
Woman within the internet (one body and one "conceptual" place)
Two bodies within active (manipulative) image stills (manipulative medium)

and where does the viewer fit?-second dimension
individual viewer-one v. anything on the screen
I (artist/maker) control the eyes/mind/thoughts/experience of the viewer
in the instance of Semiosphere
the viewer was interupting an intimate conversation
Privacy and technology?

Digital bodies are confusing to figure out. I really can't tell if they exist or not?