For Phil,

If I could do anything in the world from this moment on, I would be happy for me and for you. For me, so that I may develop pride in my self. And for you, so that you may experience joy in each day in your life. Even when I am away or not with you.

To be truthful, there are days I don't stop to cherish our love. When I remember, I'm quickly saddened and try harder not to forget. When you are so far from me I cannot redeem myself. I can only try harder.

You are a gem. Other women see this too. I know that I am pretty, bright, and loving. This makes me unique. However, happiness can be borrowed and shifted. A smile goes farther than good looks.

And so, I hope you see that my eyes shine with delight in your company.

Arty Party

This past week I visited two art museums:

The Wexner Center for the Arts

&

The Cincinnati Art Museum

I've been to both before, but the Mark Bradford exhibit (WC) and the SEE AMERICA exhibit (CAM) were new to me. I wasn't drooling this time, the way I usually do around contemporary art. Both times I just looked.

Why do people spend their time and money to "look"? Are these pieces failed attempts to engage people? Or are they not attempting that at all? Often I worry that my own work is too bizarre for my audience to feel anything. (Yes, I am aware I am grouping myself with visual artists)

I'm bored with the theatre. I'm bored with "movement only".

I want hydrangeas. And Gus/Lorna the Weimaraner. A patio.

I want to share a closet. I want a spare bedroom.

I want to sip coffee and tea in the mornings with him.

I want to spend Christmas in the mountains with him.

I want to make videos and teach children. I want to work in galleries.

I want my work in galleries.

Female Heterosexuality

Male heterosexuality is extremely valued in Western society, but so is female heterosexuality. You say, "of course, that's natural". I don't care to counter that point. Right now I am interested in exposing female sexuality in male-dominated America.

Sexual teenagers in a man's world.

Lesbians in a man's world.

Older women in a man's world.

Notes on video ideas:

I am interested in loneliness. Lonely spaces, lonely people. Large group dynamics verses solo. How people and/or one person transforms a space. How a space can transform people and their movement. Their actions/reactions.

Consequential settings. Dining room with many people? People disappear, leaving one. Individual goes to outside setting. Setting changes? Consistency remains with individual? Movement carries through each setting.

"candid" camera angles. Other elements disappear/reappear-clothing, props?